Friday, March 27, 2009

For Greta


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I was at Dulles Int'l Airport (Washington DC) on my way to Los Angeles, CA this morning when I noticed this woman in her early 30's sitting beside me crying. We both got there early and we had two hours to wait before our flight so we got the chance to talk and get acquainted with each other. I knew the moment I saw her that she's Asian but I was surprised when she told me that she's a Filipina from Talisay, Cebu. An instant friendship happened between us. I felt the intensity of her pain even though it was obvious that she was trying to contain the outburst of her emotion...the reason, she caught her husband with another woman in their own house. It finally occured to her that she didn't just believed in all the lies he told her, he cheated on her and she was devastated. When it was time for us to board our separate flight, I know Greta was in pain, I don't know if talking to me did little to ease her feeling of misery, but I am writing this post for her and to those who are in one way or another was or has been cheated.

Do the words "he cheated on me" consume your thoughts as you numbly move through the day with a crushed and broken heart? Ending any relationship is never easy, but when you are the one cheated it can be overwhelming.

When we suffer from infidelity one of the most negative impacts is to our self-esteem. It frequently goes spiraling downhill after being cheated. Our sense of worthiness and value often diminishes.

I am going to share the wisdom that I've learned from the people who have helped me get through the lowest ebb of my life. One of them is to know that you are loved and cherished by your family and friends. Your worthiness and value are priceless in their hearts. You need to embrace your family and friends as you struggle with the pain of unfaithfulness.

One of the best things you can do during this time is to be kind to yourself. You should focus your life on doing things that make you feel good. Delve into a favorite hobby that you love. Maybe read some great books you had been wanting to read but didn't had the time, or plan a trip and take along a good friend. Whatever it is that brings pleasure and enjoyment to your life, do it!

When you nourish your life by being kind to yourself, you are boosting your self-esteem. As you begin to do things that bring joy back to your life, you will begin to feel better. The overwhelming feelings of betrayal will begin to diminish. As you begin to feel better, carry in your heart the reminder that as one door closes in life, another opens.

What can be done to help heal the pain of infidelity? The first and most critical step is to allow ourself time to heal. The first few weeks (perhaps longer) following the event is not the time to try and figure out what went wrong. Trying to be your own counselor only prolongs the feeling of hopelessness. Let others help you. There are people (family, friends, professionals, etc.), who would love to offer support, but they need to have their offer accepted. If you isolate yourself, it becomes almost impossible for others to offer support. The first couple of months to a year after a break up are hard enough. Don't make it worse by isolating yourself. It is okay that sometimes you feel that you need to be alone with your thoughts.

Based on my experience, one of the best way of recovery is so simple yet many never realize it's importance. FORGIVE YOURSELF, AND FORGIVE YOUR EX-SPOUSE. Forgive yourself for all the things you could have done, and forgive your spouse for everything including his/her betrayal. We may say it is easily said than done. But if we allow it to haunt us for the rest of our life and prevents us from ever taking a risk again, then not only will we miss out, we also let life pass us by without a fight. Rather than attempt to shield ourselves from future heartache, we need to ask ourselves what the lessons are that we are meant to learn through our unfortunate experiences. When we keep love out in order to protect ourselves from pain, we ultimately starve ourselves of the very thing we need the most…which is love

3 comments:

Loida of the 2L3B's said...

Dear Amie,

This is such an interesting post about your newfound friend Greta. Once in a while even the most perfect couple faced that kind of hurtful experience. Being cheated by your partner is not new to me when we were still dating. I guess all of the couples all over except of course those who cannot face and accept the truth had basically experienced this pain. Somehow this test is a kind of a blessing in disguise. This would gauge how far your relationship could go. And when the infidelity struct you, maybe it is time to re-evaluate yourself and find out the causes. There are people who fights for their love while others let it go. Those people to fought and tried some changes oftentimes succeeded and similarly to those who let it go. They found other forms and sources of love from families and friends instead.

I admire you. You had chosen what you feel is right. As for Greta, I hope she could soon find the reason why she has to face such pain. Maybe there's something better in stored for her..

Amie said...

Hi Loida, thank you very much for sharing your thoughts, I am sure greta will read this and I am hoping she will be comforted to know that she is not alone in this ordeal. In her email today, she told me she is feeling a little bit better and she is planning to go home for a vacation...

I am praying for you and your family and may God bless you and continue to guide you especially in your new adventure in another country.

Take care always my friend!

Loida of the 2L3B's said...

Thanks Amie, we really need a lot of prayers this time. We're still not sure what will be our future there.. We're just glad we have enough skills, perseverance and trust above.. i guess that's all it takes. take care too my friend..