Dream...Dream...Dream

I dream of a place where there is complete silence…
a quiet place where time stands still
and my own inner voice is the only one that speaks.

I wish of joyful remembrance of all things good
and warm and bright, and reflective celebration
of everything I’ve been through
that brought me to today.

I wish of a peaceful closure
of that which needs it,
and a letting go
of things that only my heart knows…

And at the close of my day,
I wish of vibrant dreams
of the paths I have yet to travel….
…they are many and long,
all deliciously unknown
and ripe with possibility.

Does Love Fade?

I would like to share this story to all who come across this page. This is a case of a wife who thought that because she doesn't feel the spark of romance in their marriage anymore, their love is also fading away and thus, divorce is the only option...what does it takes to win the argument that love remains even when excitement fades away???

"My husband is an engineer by profession, I love him for his steady
nature, and I love the warm feeling when I lean against his broad
shoulders.

Three years of courtship and now, two years into marriage, I would have to admit, that I am getting tired of it. The reasons of me loving him before, has now transformed into the cause of all my restlessness.

I am a sentimental woman and extremely sensitive when it comes to a relationship and my feeling, I yearn for the romantic moments, like a little girl yearning for candy. My husband is my complete opposite, his lack of sensitivity, and the ability of bringing romantic moments into our marriage has disheartened me about love. One day, I finally decided to tell him my decision, that I wanted a divorce.

"Why?" he asked, shocked. "I am tired; there are no reasons for everything in the world!" I answered.

He kept silent the whole night, seems to be in deep thought with a lighted cigarette at all times.

My feeling of disappointment only increased, here was a man who can't even express his predicament, what else can I hope from him?

And finally he asked me, "What can I do to change your mind?" Somebody said it right, it's hard to change a person's personality, and I guess, I have started losing faith in him.

Looking deep into his eyes I slowly answered: "Here is the question, if you can answer and convince my heart, I will change my mind, let's say, I want a flower located on the face of a mountain cliff, and we both are sure that picking the flower will cause your death, will you do it for me?"

He said: "I will give you my answer tomorrow..." My hopes just sank by listening to his response. Woke up the next morning to find him gone, and saw a piece of paper with his scratchy handwriting, underneath a milk glass, on the dining table near the front door, that goes...

My dear, "I would not pick that flower for you, but please allow me to explain the reasons further."

The first line was already breaking my heart. I continued reading...

"When you use the computer, you always mess up the software programs, and you cry in front of the screen, I have to save my fingers so that I can help to restore the programs." You always leave the house keys behind, thus I have to save my legs to rush home to open the door for you. You love traveling but always lose your way in a new city ; I have to save my eyes to show you the way. You always have the cramps whenever your "good friend" approaches every month, I have to save my palms so that I can calm the cramps in your tummy. You like to stay indoors, and I worry that you will be infected by infantile autism. I have to save my mouth to tell you jokes and stories to cure your boredom.

You always stare at the computer, and that will do nothing good to your eyes, I have to save my eyes so that when we grow old, I can help to clip your nails, and help to remove those annoying white hairs. So I can also hold your hand while strolling down the beach, as you enjoy the sunshine and the beautiful sand... and tell you the color of flowers, just like the color of the glow on your young face...

Thus, my dear, unless I am sure that there is someone who loves you more than I do... I could not pick that flower yet and die.

My tears fell on the letter, and blurred the ink of his handwriting...and as I continue reading..."Now that you have finished reading my answer, if you are satisfied, please open the front door for I am standing outside bringing your favorite bread and fresh milk..." I rush to pull open the door, and saw his anxious face clutching tightly with his hands, the milk bottle and loaf of bread...

Now I am very sure that no one will ever love me as much as he does, and I have decided to leave the flower alone..."

That's life and love. When one is surrounded by love, the feeling of excitement fades away, and one tends to ignore the true love that lies in between the peace and dullness. Love shows up in all forms, even very small and cheeky forms, it has never been a model, it could be the dullest and boring form, flowers and romantic moments are only used and appear on the surface of the relationship. Under all this, the pillar of true love stands... that's our life... love, not words win arguments.

Bitter Sweet Refrain

In spite of how much it aches that you are just a dream, it is so wonderful to be in love. My imagination runs occupied with thoughts of us and all our plans and dreams. I always picture us together, the way we look at each other, the way we would talk to each other and the way we would hold each other. I always imagine the meaning of your look and the feel of your touch and I always smile when I think of how much we will understand each other when we are finally together. I imagine us not even having to talk to communicate to each other. When we are together you just make me feel so happy. I love belonging to you, I love the feeling that we belong together and I love you knowing I belong to you.

Do you have any concept as to how much I love you? I know you can't answer that just as I can't answer you every time you ask me if I know how much you love me...because we have no concept of how big our love for each other. It is just so much and it hurts so much to not be able to hold you anytime I need to, but even if I hold you it will never be close enough. It aches, it hurts, it brings such good feelings and such painful ones, it is so bright and yet blurry at others, so filled with hope and then frustrating. I see us walking into the sunset together, but sometimes the brightness of the sun blots you out and there is only me and then I miss you so so badly, so despairingly badly. I long to hear your voice telling me that you love me.

Today as I'm hitting balls in the driving range the sky was cloudy & dreary, but not very cold. The wind was not painful but it seemed to rip through my clothes and chilled me to the bone. But the colors of the sunset in our painting as I watched you made that first ever golf swing is so rich in my mind. The thought made me feel so good and made me feel how happy our life will be when we finally are together.

It was twilight as I was leaving Clifton. The drive on the way home was so gorgeous. How I wish you were here with me to share the sight and to enjoy it with me. That reminds me of another image that crosses my mind when I think of how close we will be…when we are at home together, will you describe to me the colors of the rainbow in our horizon when we are in our 70's and I can't see that far anymore??

How is it that you've touched all these feelings that I thought I have forgotten? How is it that love can be so happy and so painful at the same time? How is it that so suddenly I need someone when I thought I could live alone? How is it that I will allow anyone to be this close as to make me so vulnerable? How is it that I can only think that we will last a lifetime? How is it that when I think of someone to grow old with, there is only one person in my mind to the exclusion of all others? How is it that anything can be as essential to me as you and me has become? How????... And why???? And as these questions swirl through my mind, no answers ever come....only the endless refrain that gives my world another dimension, "I love you, I need you, I miss you." And with that refrain, the sadness and the longing.

My Life's Summit

How is it that I remember things too easily forgotten:
The purity of early passion,
The maturity of unselfish love that asks and
desires -- nothing but another's good,
The love that will persist through all the
tempest of life.

How is it that I found a quiet assurance, an inner peace,
in the core of my being
I can face the doubt, the loneliness, the anxiety,
I can face realities and can even grow
from these challenges to my essential being.


How is it that I can sense my basic humanity,
My life becomes richer and more full
And springs within me the well of life that flows,
With greater trust and joy, with more profound love
And yet more calmly with purpose and meaning.


How is it that I know how much life has given me:
The history of the race, friends and family,
The opportunity to grow, the chance to build myself
a bountiful beauty i found within the deepest part of my soul.

How is it that a very special one who's own path had found me
Love's high, I couldn't have found it if I had tried
You see how simply profound this thing called love
belonging only to you and me one of a kind, forever...