"Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass...
it's about learning how to dance in the rain!"
I love this very encouraging lines. Whenever I am not at the top of myself, I read inspirational books or pick an inspirational saying and ponder on it...No matter how good our life is, there will come a time that we will be tested. We all face adversity in our life. However, it's not the adversity, but how we react to it that will determine the joy and happiness in our life. I realized that with gratitude...I should learn how to dance in the rain.
It almost sounds so simple but one word...gratitude, changed my attitude, thus, my life, forever. Sarah Breathnach said it best... "When we choose not to focus on what is missing from our lives but are grateful for the abundance that's present....we experience heaven on earth."
My life has been very exciting with its ups and downs, but when I look back from where I started to where I am now, I realized that there had been many fairways & greens & only few hazards and sand traps I'd been to. There are countless things that I am grateful for and I am still looking forward to many tomorrows full of promise ahead of me...
Life is really good & even more beautiful every time I come out of the challenges stronger and a better person...
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Remember Those Days
Although it is not Valentines Day, I would like to share this very touching story forwarded by my friend to me.
This story is very typical. During my married life, I myself have experienced so many disappointments of one's expectations when you get married and you have this romantic notions you read in romantic novels and maybe the work of the active imaginations and dreams of being young and naive...
I know that it is tough for a child to grow up without parents-- a father and a mother. Through out my adult life, I have seen the effect of children growing up without a father or a father figure, or without a mother or a mother figure. I am sure everyone could see what effect it has on many children who grew up without a strong father figure and those without a mother or mother figure in their lives. There are so many sociological studies with statistics and correlations on the maturity, social emotional, mental, psychological maturity of children without parents or either parents and those with parents or parent figures in their lives.
This story though to me is a much extreme situation. I couldn't be that martyr of a woman. that is so difficult. She had more LOVE in her heart, I guess, but it makes a good story to emphasize on the pitfalls of marriage.
" When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held
her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She
sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her
eyes.
Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had
to let her know what I was thinking.
I want a divorce. I raised the topic
calmly.
She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she
asked me softly, why?
I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw
away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man!
That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew
she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Dew. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement
which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30%
stake of my company.
She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman
who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a
stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I
could not take back what I had said for I loved Dew so dearly.
Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see.
To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.
The next day, I came back home very late and found her
writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but
went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew.
When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I
just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.
In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she
didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice
before the divorce.
She requested that in that one month we both struggle to
live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son
had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt
him with our broken marriage.
This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she
asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal
room on our wedding day.
She requested that everyday for the month's duration I
carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I
thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together
bearable I accepted her odd request.
I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions.. . She
laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what
tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said
scornfully.
My wife
and I hadn't had any body contact since my
divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I
carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy.
Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time... I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of
intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten
years of her life to me.
On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense
of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Dew
about this. It became easier to carry her as the month
slipped by. Perhaps the everyday
workout made me stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on
quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily..
Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and
bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched
her head.
Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time
to carry mum out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother
out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our
son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day,
when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our
son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't
noticed that our life lacked intimacy.
I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind... I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not want the divorce anymore.
She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my
forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my
head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I won't divorce.. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.
Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and
then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked
downstairs and drove away.
At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of
flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on
the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until
death do us apart.
That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile
on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed
- dead."
The small details of our lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank, etc...etc. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!
I hope that you will be inspired to share this and hopefully, save a marriage.
This story is very typical. During my married life, I myself have experienced so many disappointments of one's expectations when you get married and you have this romantic notions you read in romantic novels and maybe the work of the active imaginations and dreams of being young and naive...
I know that it is tough for a child to grow up without parents-- a father and a mother. Through out my adult life, I have seen the effect of children growing up without a father or a father figure, or without a mother or a mother figure. I am sure everyone could see what effect it has on many children who grew up without a strong father figure and those without a mother or mother figure in their lives. There are so many sociological studies with statistics and correlations on the maturity, social emotional, mental, psychological maturity of children without parents or either parents and those with parents or parent figures in their lives.
This story though to me is a much extreme situation. I couldn't be that martyr of a woman. that is so difficult. She had more LOVE in her heart, I guess, but it makes a good story to emphasize on the pitfalls of marriage.
" When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held
her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She
sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her
eyes.
Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had
to let her know what I was thinking.
I want a divorce. I raised the topic
calmly.
She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she
asked me softly, why?
I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw
away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man!
That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew
she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Dew. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement
which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30%
stake of my company.
She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman
who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a
stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I
could not take back what I had said for I loved Dew so dearly.
Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see.
To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.
The next day, I came back home very late and found her
writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but
went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew.
When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I
just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.
In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she
didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice
before the divorce.
She requested that in that one month we both struggle to
live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son
had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt
him with our broken marriage.
This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she
asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal
room on our wedding day.
She requested that everyday for the month's duration I
carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I
thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together
bearable I accepted her odd request.
I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions.. . She
laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what
tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said
scornfully.
My wife
and I hadn't had any body contact since my
divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I
carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy.
Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time... I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of
intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten
years of her life to me.
On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense
of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Dew
about this. It became easier to carry her as the month
slipped by. Perhaps the everyday
workout made me stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on
quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily..
Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and
bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched
her head.
Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time
to carry mum out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother
out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our
son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day,
when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our
son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't
noticed that our life lacked intimacy.
I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind... I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not want the divorce anymore.
She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my
forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my
head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I won't divorce.. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.
Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and
then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked
downstairs and drove away.
At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of
flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on
the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until
death do us apart.
That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile
on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed
- dead."
The small details of our lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank, etc...etc. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!
I hope that you will be inspired to share this and hopefully, save a marriage.
Saturday, August 1, 2009
Till I Met You
Till I met you
I walked this life alone
No hand to hold in mine
My heart was all my own
Till I met you
True love was just a fantasy
Dreams of wonder and pain
fleeting passion, time spent in vain
Till I met you
Nobody knows that I was sad & Lonely
God knows the pain & emptiness I hide
The fear & longing of living life alone.
But now we have a journey
You and me toward our sunset
I know I will never walk alone
I have you beside me all the way.
So I thank the day that we found each other
But most of all, God from heavens above
He must have heard my ardent prayer
For I have found true love in you.
Monday, July 13, 2009
The Small Things In Life
"Live for what is real to you. Live for what truly matters to you."
Just a few days ago while vacationing in my bestfriend's summer home in an affluent neigborhood in LaGrange, Georgia I found myself slipping into this state of mind. I mean really, what's life's point? Everyday spent futilely doing work that will only help us get more money, that will help us to afford all luxuries in life, and then we die, after a mere 80 years or so.
But what are the things that are real and truly matters to me?
Sometimes life gets so busy, engulfing and chaotic it is easy to think you have time for only the BIG STUFF. The new car, a successful business, a huge bank savings account, the ideal relationship with a significant other, the nicest house on the block, the latest fashions ....But for me, one thing that makes life as wonderful as it is, are the “small stuffs.” After all, big things are made up of the smaller ones.
I remind myself in everyday situations to embrace those small, often overlooked things that bring so much joy to me — my love of jazz & country music, not only because I think the music is awesome, but also because of where that love came from. I have fond memories of riding my horse named Mula, back when I was a teenager in my parent's farm. Country music reminds me of those hills and valleys, streams and rivers that we travelled early morning & late afternoon. And oh, how I miss those smell coming from the corn & ricefields.
It’s the small, heart & rose tattoo that I have on my left arm. Not because I think it looks attractive on me but because of the feeling of gaining back my self esteem, my independence & the freedom from a heartbreaking marriage. My ex would have never given me permission to have any tattoo anywhere on my body.
It’s the smell of an everyday item and the memory that accompanies it — my sunblock cream because it reminds me of being at Kalsangi Golf Course, Olaer swimming resort or Gumasa beach with my family back home or a fresh, sliced tomato because it takes me back to my grandpa's garden in the summertime where he had the tastiest pineapples and tomatoes in town (at least for me).
It’s walking through the bookstore any time between mid-April to late May and seeing all the school supplies, not because I’m there to buy any for myself but because I remember the excitement of going back to school when I was a student, and seeing the faces of my daughters when they were little girls shopping with that same feeling.
It’s the precisely placed "I LOVE JESUS" sticker on the back of the vehicle I wait behind in traffic. Though I’d rather not be sitting at the red light, that small sticker is a symbol to me of the faith & source of strength shared by many Filipinos.
Logically, focusing on the small things makes sense. When you have a huge goal or dream, starting with the small details is what makes them successful. Any journey starts from a single step.
The little things. It’s waking up much earlier than I am used to, but knowing I am about to sit with my daughter for coffee before she goes to work makes it more than worth it.
It’s remembering your friends’ birthdays, sending that one more e-mail or note when you’re ready to rest for the day. It’s the enjoyment of showing the world your superstar skills even if you are just in front of your own mirror at home with nobody around.
It’s waving as I drive past the sweaty, weary and tired construction workers on the side of the road just to give them a smile. It’s riding around in the car with my daughters, because we need to catch up. With no worry about today’s pricey gasoline or our to-do lists, this small thing is no “small thing” to take for granted.
Whether it is an old photograph, a specific area of town, an aroma, a brief memory, a few minute chat with a friend, a simple "I Love You" text to surprise your love one... It is always worth to embrace the small things that bless everyday life.
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