Sunday, August 2, 2009

Remember Those Days

Although it is not Valentines Day, I would like to share this very touching story forwarded by my friend to me.

This story is very typical. During my married life, I myself have experienced so many disappointments of one's expectations when you get married and you have this romantic notions you read in romantic novels and maybe the work of the active imaginations and dreams of being young and naive...

I know that it is tough for a child to grow up without parents-- a father and a mother. Through out my adult life, I have seen the effect of children growing up without a father or a father figure, or without a mother or a mother figure. I am sure everyone could see what effect it has on many children who grew up without a strong father figure and those without a mother or mother figure in their lives. There are so many sociological studies with statistics and correlations on the maturity, social emotional, mental, psychological maturity of children without parents or either parents and those with parents or parent figures in their lives.

This story though to me is a much extreme situation. I couldn't be that martyr of a woman. that is so difficult. She had more LOVE in her heart, I guess, but it makes a good story to emphasize on the pitfalls of marriage.

" When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held
her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She
sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her

Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had
to let her know what I was thinking.
I want a divorce. I raised the topic

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she
asked me softly, why?
I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw
away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man!
That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew
she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Dew. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement
which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30%
stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman
who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a
stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I
could not take back what I had said for I loved Dew so dearly.
Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see.
To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her
writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but
went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I
just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she
didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice
before the divorce.
She requested that in that one month we both struggle to
live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son
had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt
him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she
asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal
room on our wedding day.

She requested that everyday for the month's duration I
carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I
thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together
bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions.. . She
laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what
tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said

My wife
and I hadn't had any body contact since my
divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I
carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy.
Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time... I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of
intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten
years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense
of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Dew
about this. It became easier to carry her as the month
slipped by. Perhaps the everyday
workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on
quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily..

Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and
bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched
her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time
to carry mum out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother
out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our
son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day,
when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our
son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't
noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind... I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my
forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my
head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I won't divorce.. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and
then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked
downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of
flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on
the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until
death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile
on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed
- dead."

The small details of our lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank, etc...etc. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

I hope that you will be inspired to share this and hopefully, save a marriage.


Unknown said...

Wow! That was really different. Unexpected twist at the end!

Thanks for posting it.

Unknown said...

nice one, Ms. Amie!