Wednesday, August 25, 2010

The Best Gift I Ever Have--Another Celebration

Today is my daughter's birthday once again and here I am getting sentimental again...I just can't help it.

Raising two daughters with opposite personality is probably the most challenging times in a mother's life so much more when you are a single parent like me. But she has always been a very good child. There were times when she didn't do exactly what I told her, but that's one of the things that I am proud of her, she is independent minded but always use her rational judgment. She gained my trust and confidence that way.

She's 23 today. Chelle, I just want to tell you that l love you and wish you every happiness in whatever you do next. You brought into my life more than I could have ever expected. Really, you filled my life with a happiness that cannot be measured by any scale man has, you've grown into a woman that is beautiful outside and inside and you have made me the happiest parent that there is - thank you. We may have differences and we don't always agree about things but what is life without you and Rhea? You are the reasons why I still laugh when crying is the only way to ease the pain I feel inside. You were my rocks why I made it through inspite of all those challenges I've been. You are the only constant thing in my life. I am not a perfect person and not a perfect mother either. But I have raised you to be a strong, loving and compassionate woman that you are now. I am proud that you value the more important things in this life over material things. I am grateful that you keep the values we have as a family no matter where we are in this world. I wish I could give you everything because you and Rhea are my world. The best gifts God had blessed me with. And I want to shelter you from the pain and hardship but I know that it is impossible knowing that you are strong willed and wants to be on your own. Rest assured that my love and prayers will always be there wherever you are and that you will always have a place to come home to.

May God bless you more in your life, and I hope and pray that one day your children will bring you as much happiness as you have brought to me.

Just remember this...

Be happy, and reach for the moon, and if you miss you will land amongst the stars, and be the brightest I can see.

                                HAPPY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY BELOVED PANGANAY!!!

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

For The Love of The Sports

I am a known die-hard sports fan. Although golf is my most favorite game and I can really play well, I also love watching baseball and football so much. My favorite baseball team is Cardinals (oh I love Albert Pujols) and my favorite football team is Jaguars. Last Sunday, I watched the PGA Championship, the Jaguars vs. Eagles game at my friend's house because they have satellite connection,  where  I can always rewind the game if ever I missed the action and not cable channel like what we have in the house. Besides our teams were playing against each other. They are from Philadelphia so they are Eagles' fans.

I was quite frustrated at how my favorite Tiger Woods had played lately including PGA Championship finals last Sunday. But after what he'd been through I don't expect him to get back to how he used to play. Golf is such a mental game that if you're distracted because of so much issues in your life, it's just so hard to be focused and winning is going to be very hard if not impossible. Jaguars was also defeated by Eagles 27-28, but such is the sports as in any battle in life. You either win or you lose. What matter is I know my team did their best. And I really enjoy watching them play.

While driving back home, I thought about what Marina told me in between commercials while we were watching the Jaguars-Eagles played. She said satellite tv is not even a close comparison to cable tv. She told me to look at the packages offered by the Direct TV and different cable tvs like Dish Network, Comcast, etc. She said she never missed watching her favorite Filipino shows too because Direct TV have TFC and GMA. This got me excited and made my decision real easy... Guess who's coming to the house tomorrow morning???

I can't wait to watch news straight from the Philippines right in the comfort of our living room. And I will enjoy even more while watching my teams play. Ti's not only that our TV is high definition we will also have a high definition satellite connection.

Monday, August 9, 2010


It's never too late to fall in love. This is what I learned from my friend who was married for 38 years, got divorced at 60 and now at 70 is in love. She met the love of her life 8 years ago. After divorce she worked in the customer relations of a dept. store where she spotted Barry a retired Marine Officer looking for something. She asked if he needs anything and since then, they became inseparable.

They're still devoted to each other as they move to their 70's, which fills me with wonder...I used to ask myself, do I have to wait that long? I am just in my 40's.

After my separation 13 years ago, I have been single and had become really used to it. I did try to be in a relationship and got engaged but it turned out to just reinforced my whimsical notion that men are by nature polygamous and mostly unfaithful and I just couldn't take the risk of being so hurt again so I decided to call it quits 2 months before our planned wedding and three years into that relationship.

I love my life, and my daughters and our baby Arielle are my inspirations. I would do anything for them. and every day I'm grateful for good health and what I see as a fortunate life. But sometimes I ached for a partner to check in with, talk, snuggle, grow spiritually with and love that will last forever. I was resigned to the myth i virtually created in my mind that in my 40's after a broken marriage, and a relationship grounded on good friendship that I thought was special and would last a lifetime inspite of the fact that it's always vulnerable,  such love may be behind me. I sometimes wonder if true love happens because of luck, karma, or accident. Or if I will ever find it again.

What surprised me was the fact that I was not afraid of the possibility of growing old alone anymore. I relished my independence and had come to terms with the fact that I might never find that special someone I want to spend the rest of my life with. At the same time, I've done inner work that enabled me to feel worthy of true love, and be loved and accepted unconditionally as I am. At this point of my life I would only only be in a relationship where I am loved as much as I love that person. I won't settle for less. And if I don't find this in this lifetime I will still grow old gracefully, fulfilled and grateful for the many blessings God has given me...