Thursday, April 9, 2009

My Lenten Reflection

"We have known and believed the love that God has for us. God is love, and he who abides in love abides in God, and God in him."(1 John 4:16)

For many years my heart used to long for the love that a relationship brings. I have been separated for 15 years & haven't had any fulfilling relationship for a long time. When the father of my daughters and my marriage was annulled my heart was torn into pieces for the loss of the years we shared. I spent so many of those years praying for him and "working" to be the right kind of wife God wanted me to be. Throughout those years I have gone through all the stages of grief, pain and loss, but after so many years, every once in a while I still have a pang. A pang of emptiness that seems so deep it washes over me like a wave. And then for days I didn't seem to be able to get my feet solid on the ground.

I have spent many tears at the feet of Jesus about this one thing. Love. Love and love. Forever love with someone who will love me through all the ups and downs of life. Once, I thought I found it and then I lost it. It used to occurr to me that maybe I never had it in the first place. From readings I've learned that "The greater our longing for love, the greater is our capacity to recieve the love from God. In our emptiness, the presence of God is best magnified." As to my experience it was very true. I used to ask this question: If my longing overwhelms me to the point of physical heart ache, how does God's love remove it or replace it?

And then one day I read the Bible, the verse was 1 Thes 3:12 "May the Lord make you increase and abound in love to one another and to all." Was my heart selfish? Was I abounding in love to others, to all? No not all, I think I was too busy wanting it for myself.

As I spend time in reflecting about my life, I realized that my heart wants what it wants. It has gotten me into trouble before. Selfishness, desire and pride. Wanting to be loved in return as I have loved. After I tried to get it on my own I've seen what God has tried to tell me over and over.

"Love comes from me, child. No other person or thing can fill you the way that I can."

Only when I experience the overflowing of God's love did I realized that I am abundantly surrounded by love. I couldn't count the things I am grateful for, they are too many.

As I reflect during this Lenten season, the message of this Holy week to me is Victory and liberation, a promise of hope over despair, giving not receiving, love without expecting in return. All things have a purpose and a reason. Ultimately God has a plan for our lives and, if we work with His plan, everything will work out. His plans are the best for us.

May the Risen Lord enter into our lives and our homes this Easter and inspire us to live lives filled with hope, love, peace and joy.

A Blessed Holy Week and Happy Easter to each and everyone!


Loida of the 2L3B's said...

Such an inspiring post.. Full of emotions that really touch my heart. You're so honest with how you really feel. That alone my friend is a gift from God, the courage for letting you pour out your grief through writing and for sharing. Some were not lucky enough to have given the courage and the intellect; and the ability to identify the constricting emotions that makes the life more harder to bear. Your post gives more meaning to my blogging experience. Thanks for sharing. Happy Easter my friend.

Amie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Amie said...

Hi Loida, thanks a lot for this very inspiring comment. Through my blog I've met friends like you, who maybe thousands of miles away but I feel the sincerity & appreciation. I am really grateful for having you as a friend, you are one of my precious my blessings. Thank You...Happy Easter to you and your Family!!!