Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Wrinkles, Gray Hair & Love

I would never trade my loving family, my amazing friends, my wonderful life, for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I've aged, I've become very comfortable of and being less critical of myself. I've become my own friend. I don't chide myself for eating that extra cake or cup of ice cream sometimes, or for buying that extra camera. I am entitled to a treat, to be messy, to splurge on something.

I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they they even enjoy the fruit of their labor or understood the great freedom that comes with aging.

Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer until the wee hours of the morning or sleep in the middle of the day? I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 70 & 80's, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love ... I will.

I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set.

They, too, will get old.

I know I am sometimes forgetful.

But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten. And I eventually remember the important things.

Sure, over the years my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or when somebody broke their promise? But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and compassion. A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.

I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair starts turning gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face.

So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver.

As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think. I don't question myself anymore.

I've even earned the right to be wrong.

So, to answer your question, I like getting old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I am here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be. And I shall enjoy life to the fullest and live the bliss of love that only two people truly in love could ever share.

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